Cheeky Sod, I thought....

I've just received through the post what appears to be a page torn out of a magazine telling the reader all about the benefits of this 'Amazing Discovery'.  (My quotes, their capitals)

Apparently I could benefit from new research which reveals a 'SKIN CARE BREAKTHROUGH' (Again my quotes, their capitals... I'll not bother remarking on this again, shall I?)  It's going to

'HELP REDUCE THE APPEARANCE OF : WRINKLES, FINE LINES AND DARK CIRCLES'

But apparently the supply is extremely limited and  in high demand - so I am urged to take advantage of this incredible offer before it's too late.

And apparently one of my friends has taken the trouble to rip this page from the magazine and send it post-haste to me.  They've even written a message in the top left corner urging me to 'Call Fast, it works!"  And apparently they only paid the postage.  Wow!  What an offer!  Such magical cream it can give me 'Extraordinary Lift! Extraordinary Results! Extraordinary Skincare!

But - too late?  Too late for what? Too late to get some of this magic stuff? (The thought does spring up - if it's so f**cking good, why didn't they make more of it?)  Or does that mean it will be too late for me?  If I don't order right now, is the skin of my face going to drip down to my chin, making me look like Droopy Dog? (Those of you of a certain age will remember this sad little puppy - those of you who don't need this blasted cream, Google him)

There are even two pictures of a Susan Looper (whoever she is) And it appears to be photos of Susan Looper twenty years apart, or of Susan Looper senior and her daughter. Great stuff!
 
Then the insidious thought occurred - which of my bloody friends would have the brass-faced nerve to send such an outright insult to me?  Buy this you baggy-eyed freak, your poor, raddled face is in desperate need of a lift.

Whoever it is, I am definitely crossing them off my Christmas card list...